Schadenfreude
by CrimsonEos
Summary: So, like, Edo totally has an EPIC day full of AMAZING encounters. ZOMG SONGFIC . . . Or something.


Zomg, don't hurt me.

Anyway, this is a parody. P-A-R-O-D-Y. Do not take this seriously. Srsly guyz.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the song "Schadenfreude." Nor do I own the musical _Avenue Q._ And I do not own _Yu-Gi-Oh! DM GX._ This was inspired by some of the stories Huajun Chen wrote. Sarcastic humour or something. Anyway, do not waste your time reading this if you want to laugh. Go over to her account instead. Srsly!

* * *

"Hey, Phoenix, guess what? You get to shake hands with two thousand kids today! Your book_ Rising From The Flames: A Memoir_ is just too damn popular!" chimed Edo's sponsor Emeralda over the static line.

Edo felt his hand begin sear without having to even move it. Prompted by the imagined pain, a single drop of blood slipped down his arm and sainted his silver suit jacket. The pro duellist sighed and answered back, "I'm not feeling too well today. I don't want to get anyone else sick. Actually," he said as he feigned a raspy cough, "I think I might have SARS."

"Oh, then should we have you quarantined?" she carolled sweetly.

" . . . No, I am fine, actually. I feel much better suddenly."

"I thought so. Heh, I hope you don't hurt yourself too badly."

Edo heard her laugh as she hung up.

_Right now you are down and out_

_And feeling really crappy_

_But when I see how sad you are, it sorta makes me happy_

With numb limbs, Edo signed the last of his memoirs and shook the hand of the last kid. Luckily for him, the brown-haired boy rubbed his snotty nose before extending a hand for Edo to shake.

The black bugger lurking on the boy's hand smiled viciously at Edo.

The silver-haired socialite had aching face muscles.

_It's Schadenfreude_

_Makin' me feel glad that I'm not you_

"Hey, Edo, guess what's next? Unfortunately the hotel was booked in Hawaii, so you can stay in my condo if you want. But the air conditioning is working too well. I hope you'll be fine."

_Do you ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?_

As Edo set his Louis Vuitton suit cases down and adjusted his bichromatic tie, he wondered why his entire wardrobe just had to consist only of copies of the same white suit he had been wearing for two years, and why he paired the suit with a black dress shirt that didn't look all that great (or straight) without his thick jacket to cover it.

_Don't you feel all warm and cozy watchin' people out in the rain?_

_That's Schadenfreude, people taking pleasure in your pain._

Edo was so tired of perspiring by the end of the day that he refused to go to the celebratory luau. And on a side note, how exactly would he manage to swim in a designer suit anyway?

_Yep, it's German for 'happiness at the misfortune of others'_

Groaning, Edo rubbed his temples as he downed a cup of espresso laced with three tablets of aspirin. Apparently the barmaid had been too busy gushing on him and swooning when he had asked for a virgin drink on the rocks. _Virgin on the Rocks_ must have been a more popular painting than one first thought.

_Being on an elevator when somebody shouts "hold the door!"_

Edo had asked for a "clay-skinned escort", not a _gay_ escort.

_Schadenfreude, fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for. _

Edo sat bored on the edge of the muddy pond, methodically twirling his finger in front of a dragonfly. When said dragonfly tried to fly away it ended up spiralling through the air and plummeting into the brown waters below. Satisfied, Edo laughed with hands on his stomach and his head thrown back. Unfortunately for him, he had just harassed an endangered specie of dragonfly in front a gruff police officer who needed to keep up his fine quota for the month. Who would have known?

_The world needs people like you me who've been knocked around by fate_

'_Cause when people see us they don't want to be us _

_And that makes them feel great_

"Well this is it, Bob!" cried an odious commentator to another commentator whose odiousness was equal to or great than that of the former commentator.

Bob and Bill. Those were their names.

"Right on, Bill! Do you think that Aster will be able to do this thing?"

Edo scoffed and shook a threatening fist at them. "My name is Ed!" he shouted deftly at them, his face flushing.

"Yeah, but Aster is catchier. Do you think that Aster will kick up stars on his climb to the top?" one of the commentators asked obnoxiously from behind the safety of reinforced plexiglass.

Edo mouthed "you're so dead" and brought a finger across the pale skin of his neck. The commentators shrugged.

"Go, Elemental Destiny! Rise from the ashes!"

Edo tried to facepalm, effectively (and accidentally) ramming his Duel Disk into his forehead.

_Schadenfreude, making the world a better place to be_


End file.
